After a series of mysterious disasters occurs in the Pacific, from the disappearance of a plane to the destruction of an oil rig, a group of scientists discovers that a secret military mission has unearthed a prehistoric shark and a giant octopus. When the government learns of the existence of the menacing beasts, the team of scientists is tasked with formulating a plan to destroy the phenomenal creatures. Lorenzo Lamas and Deborah Gibson star.

I’m nowhere near done the film, but I’m pretty sure I have a sound understanding of this movie already. Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus stars Sean Connery, Suzanne Somers, and George Takei, but has very little in the way of the undersea monsters. And what you do see of them looks like they belong in the TV seris Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

There’s a love interest, a lot of tiny enclosed sets, and no sense of drama or suspense anywhere. But that may be due to the bad special effects. The movie also suffers from a severe lack of “show don’t tell.” Sequences of destruction and mayhem at the hands of the antagonists are cut to the bare minimum. It’s a shame that from the very beginning you know that Giant Octopus and Mega Shark are destined to fight, get very excited about it, and then realize that there’s about an hour and ten minutes before you get to see them duel (mind you the movie is about an hour and a half) and then another ten minutes before you get to see them actually duel. Also making the movie unwatchable is the bad dialogue and the bad acting. And it’s not just bad acting, it’s bad overacting. There are some things that should never be put onto a DVD, and this is one of those things.

Although the best part of the movie is when the shark leaps into the sky and eats a jet.