Think Chinatown for the teenage set. While investigating the theft of his Catholic high school’s SAT exams, sophomore newspaper reporter Bobby Funke (Reece Thompson) uncovers an even bigger conspiracy. But will anyone believe him when he accuses the class president? Director Brett Simon’s comic noir co-stars Mischa Barton and Bruce Willis as the unbalanced Principal Kirkpatrick, a shell-shocked Desert Storm veteran.

Asassination of a High School President was never released in theaters. It was supposed to, but indie film distributors Yari Film Group ran out of money. Eventually it was released on DVD, and it never received a theatrical run.

In all honesty, I never got to read anything about this film, nor did I see a trailer. Up until last week, I never knew this film existed. I just kind stumbled upon this movie because I have this weird thing for bad movies, and high school movies. Put the two together and you have a perfect match for a weary weekday afternoon.

I had skipped over the credits, so I didn’t know that Bruce Willis was in the movie until about eight minutes in. There he was, not finding the SAT Tests locked away where they should be. Willis just about dominates every scene he is in, and with good reason. The guy has an impressive resume to stand behind—not to mention his amazing mayo rant.

Reece Thompson, the spunky Funke, is the only person who seems to hold his own against the inevitable Willis.

The poor guy. Thompson looks like a young Tom Cruise from TAPS or The Outsiders.

But enough about them. Who else is in this movie? Joe Perrino has the best Brox accent ever (but I think he actually talks like that in real life). Vincent Piazza plays a Latino troublemaker, and I find that awesome because he’s a regular old Italian guy. Michael Raparport also appears as their basketball team’s Coach Z (not to be confused with this guy), and the Spanish teacher, Señor Newell (played by Josh Pais) is always good for a laugh. Mischa Barton shows her “boobs” but they’re not impressive at all—and in case you’re wondering, she still can’t act.

But anyway, the reason why I had to tell you about this movie. The reason I loved it so much. I gotta tell you that halfway through the movie, I realized it was a noir film, a touch of political drama, and an indie high school movie all in one. The film is passed off as a spoof, and even if you’re watching parody, you quickly forget that you are. It starts out with a simple reporting job: interview the student council president, Paul Moore. After Moore is busted for stealing the SAT tests, Funke’s life takes a huge swing for the better, but then questions arise that makes Funke think he’s got the wrong guy.

Scenes play out with an ironic seriousness that director Brett Simon pulls off with such grace that you sometimes forget you’re watching something about high school. The boiler room is turned into a cell block where suspended students are locked away. Homecoming is anything but a bright, happy evening. Paul Moore’s colleagues in the student council are treated as mafia thugs in their introduction scene. And then you have the sequence where Principal Fitzpatrick leads the entire student body in a patriotic musical number.

You never really know whether or not to take the movie seriously, because it keeps its comedy as subdued as possible, and the comedy is comedy only because of how serious the rest of the movie plays. But I think the answer to this dilemma comes with the finale. After the conspiracy is revealed,  Clara reminds both the lead character and us, “Forget it, Funke. It’s high school.”