So, before the latest Harry Potter film (which is discussed at length in two podcasts), there was a trailer for the latest Roland Emmerich assault on the senses, 2012. (click here to watch the trailer). I leaned over to my significant other and said “It looks like they couldn’t decide what disaster movie to make, so they just said ‘Eff this, ALL OF THEM!’”

Little did we know at that time, how close to the end of the world we’re apparently coming right now.

Apparently, a giant blob is devouring things off the Alaskan coastline.

“It’s certainly biological. It’s definitely not an oil product of any kind.” It’s been found to have devoured all sorts of biological matter, such as several jellyfish, and some birds. You know what comes next: SMALL CHILDREN. And then it will come for YOU!

I’m really mostly surprised it’s in Alaska, as something like this I’d expect to pop up in New Jersey, or New York, or… New Jersey. In any event, the Blob is the least of our worries. The thing that has me most concerned about the ongoing survival of humanity is this:

A corpse-eating robot! Designed to clean up battlefields of the dead after a long protracted skirmish, this robot uses the corpses it collects and devours as fuel. But, and this is the most important thing I can think of, what’s to stop lightning from hitting it and reprogramming it to devour LIVE flesh, like in that documentary I saw on Starz, Stealth? NOTHING, that’s what!

Mark my words, the end is nigh, and soon, you will all wake up in your beds to discover the blank stares of the zombie and robot hordes as they plague you with their diseases and earthquakes and such, and then you will look in the mirror, and THIS will be staring back at you:

A fate worse than death, indeed. Good night, and good luck.