Commander Riker is a tool.

For one thing, he was obviously conceived as the “Kirk” of the Next Generation crew, but Jonathan Frakes doesn’t have near the amount of charisma as William Tiberius Shatner, nor the ability to overact his way into every lady of every species’ pants. For another, Captain Picard was just so fucking awesome, Riker looked like a fratboy douchebag next to Patrick Stewart’s sophisticated greatness.

Also: as pointed out by my friend Ryan, he was the only dude to crash-land the Enterprise. Sure, Shatner blew it up like, 20 times, but that was always an offensive maneuver on his part, because he was so awesome, he knew Starfleet would HAVE to give him an even better ship. Riker just done fucked up.

And lastly, his beard is lame.

No, I don’t mean her. I mean this one:

Seriously, fuck that guy.